Are there words to talk through today? I guess we’ll see.

But that’s the thing — today isn’t just about today. It’s about needles and nerves and anticipation and patience and breathtaking sorrow and the unknown and change and a few miracles all rolled into one word.

If all goes to plan, the little girl my wife carries and my sweet daughters affectionately call “Baby Seed” will be born sometime in the next several hours, on this, the anniversary of our first failed transfer. And it’s surreal to be here: at this end of the medications and planning and flights and waiting. But it’s so much more than that.

Some months ago, I was asked about why we would have a baby for somebody else; why we would “run a marathon, cross the finish line, and have no trophy; nothing to show for the effort?” In the words of my Scandinavian ancestors: Uff da. I suppose I could have felt any number of ways or chosen to react in any similar number of ways, but more than irritated or angry, I was just sad. How anyone can evaluate this incredible journey of contributing our piece to making a family as an empty thing, a trophy-less race, is beyond me for a few reasons.

First and foremost among them, perhaps, is that I’ve never won a trophy or medal or ribbon for any kind of race in my life. I grew up in the beginning of the participation trophy era, so I received plenty of “feelings” awards, but knew them for what they were. And it never bothered me. So the whole race metaphor was a poor choice to win over the persuasion of a former band nerd who repeatedly rejected his high school’s football coach’s begging to join the team because there were drums to play.

But the real reason the whole “you’re not a winner for having a baby and giving it away to someone else” thing didn’t carry any weight is because it’s just not true. Just so nobody is confused, I’ll say it plainly: we didn’t choose to pursue surrogacy to win some popularity contest or please anyone or participate in some agenda. We did it for lots of reasons and I’ve talked through those at length. Surrogacy makes families possible that otherwise wouldn’t be. Adoption does, too! And one doesn’t negate the need for the other, in my opinion. They are each their own brand of miracle.

There’s a baby that is on pace to be born today. And I couldn’t be happier! This little girl is going to be *so* loved. She already is, for that matter. A new chapter in this life’s story begins today and getting a ringside seat (to use my own sports metaphor) is pretty incredible.

It’s Christmas. We put up a tree and a stocking for the dog, but that’s about it. We haven’t had a lot of spare energy this late in trimester three. There are presents to wrap once we get this whole baby thing squared away, so you don’t have to worry about our kids. They are in for some serious Christmas fun. They love Christmas. And it’s fun to watch and listen to them process it. They are enamored of the wonder of this baby that was visited by kings and peasants who came for a reason: to run a race with no trophy at the finish line.

Merry Christmas, friends!

And that one word everything is rolled into?

Averie.

Wow! Guys, we are so, so close! Some of you have asked us if no news is good news. Yes, no news is indeed good news. Pregnancy during surrogacy, as it turns out, is an awful lot like pregnancy not during surrogacy: lots of waiting around, coaxing the baby not to kick so hard, and craving strange stuff. Okay — full disclosure — cupcakes (our most frequent muse this go-round) are not that strange.

Since last we spoke, our kitchen (remember the nightmare-sized hole in its ceiling?!) has been fixed, both of our kiddos started school, and Amanda got a… job?! More realistically, a job went out and got Amanda. In other words, Amanda was not *looking* for a job. One just kind of fell in her lap. And she loves it. She works with surrogacy candidates for a local agency. I’m so proud of her and love fielding all her goofy Excel questions.

But, what about baby?!! I can’t remember if we’ve told the collective “you” yet, but Baby Seed, as our littlest says, is a girl! I don’t know that it’s possible for Amanda to carry a boy. It’s been fun to watch our girls interact with a baby they remind us every day we are not keeping. The older one doesn’t much care or notice while the younger one does immensely, but much more about the process and its impact on Amanda than the baby, though, she does show Baby Seed love often. Mostly, her interaction with Amanda and the baby takes the form of telling Amanda to sit down and rest and make healthy choices for the baby while reassuring Baby Seed that she is helping mommy (Amanda) to be good at being pregnant and make good choices. It’s a good outlet for her bossiness leadership skills.

We’ll be having this baby right around Christmas. That’s pretty cool to me. It’s hard *not* to think about babies and Christmas and Mary and Joseph and shepherds and angels etc. While this baby will have nowhere near the impact on the whole of humanity the way that a baby of Christmas past did, it is not lost on me that this little one will change the world nonetheless. It might just be our world and that of a loving couple from far away, but, sometimes, that’s enough.

And I’m super thankful. For a healthy pregnancy and baby. For the immeasurable support we have received from friends and family. For the honesty of our critics. For the opportunity to help start a family. For my rockstar wife. For each of my super-awesome kiddos and the confident individuals that they are. And, honestly, that I’m not a present-day Joseph, leading a donkey carrying my wife carrying a baby across challenging terrain with not a whole lot of protection from the elements. I think the Christmas story plays out differently if it takes place in Minnesota. I see the discomfort that my wife faces on the daily, and that’s while sitting by a fire on a couch. I can only imagine how comfortable being 36-40 weeks pregnant while riding a donkey (for days!) must be. Joseph, my man, you have my respect.

I wonder if Mary craved cupcakes?